How to start a union
Over the years you have done a tremendous amount of your food buying at two different stores. Rainbow bridge is the bigger of the two, kind of like a mini super market whereas Farmer and the Cook is much smaller, more like an expanded deli. F & C is 100% organic. Rainbow has maybe 33% organic. Tonight, you will go to Rainbow Bridge and buy a ginger drink, some chocolate malt balls and a chocolate chip oat bar. While speaking with three of the cashiers it will dawn on you that you can be of great service to these Rainbow employees. There are many things that can be done to make their life on the job more humane.
"It's time for you guys to form a union."
"What do you mean?" The female cash register girl will say.
"Well, I have seen many employees flow through this joint. The turnover ratio is obscene. Just when I start to get to know the cashiers, BAM! They quit, move back to Ohio, L.A., or find some other job. Enough already! You guys need to organize and I am the answer to your prayers. Well... at least that's what God just told me." You will say this with heartfelt sincerity.
The check out dude that looks like Ray Liota will nod his head in agreement and twikle his eyes. Egging you on.
"First of all, you guys need stools, I mean come on, staniding all day is bad for the feet and the back. Second of all the hours are crazy. More breaks, shorter hours. Third of all, I want you all to be able to make better use of your time when there are no customers. A major demand of ours will be that the management puts a giant 30 foot flat screen television on the wall so that you guys can play video games instead of just standing around. Also, we will get some DSL or WiFi so you can go online and stay updated with current events. And, for the ambitious cashier, there is always the opportunity to take online classes during downtimes."
One of the cashier dudes reminds you of Charlie Sheen, he'll furrow his brow and say something like: "Online classes? What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you getting a bachelor's degree, dude, or maybe a master's or even a doctorate."
"Hmm, what kind of degree should I get?" Charlie Sheen-ish dude will ask.
"I don't know... uhhh hotel management, English, mathematics... or how about an acting degree. Yeah, California can always use another actor."
Ray Liota-ish dude will seem a little skeptical so you might have to loosen him up. Ask him stuff about the movie "Goodfellas" : "What was it like to be sent away to the big house?" and "What was it like to have all those helicopters following you around?"
They will doubt you - at first. Besides, they're all kind of apathetic, so, tomorrow you will have to start picketing Rainbow Bridge all by yourself. Make a sign before you go to bed. Set your alarm for 7. Go to sleep. Wake up. Then hop on your bike, motor down the hill and start your one man protest on behalf of your friends, the cashiers. Don't worry about the deli people, that's a whole different set of pajamas. Oh yeah, your sign will say something like: "Cashiers aint monkeys! let them play video games!"
"It's time for you guys to form a union."
"What do you mean?" The female cash register girl will say.
"Well, I have seen many employees flow through this joint. The turnover ratio is obscene. Just when I start to get to know the cashiers, BAM! They quit, move back to Ohio, L.A., or find some other job. Enough already! You guys need to organize and I am the answer to your prayers. Well... at least that's what God just told me." You will say this with heartfelt sincerity.
The check out dude that looks like Ray Liota will nod his head in agreement and twikle his eyes. Egging you on.
"First of all, you guys need stools, I mean come on, staniding all day is bad for the feet and the back. Second of all the hours are crazy. More breaks, shorter hours. Third of all, I want you all to be able to make better use of your time when there are no customers. A major demand of ours will be that the management puts a giant 30 foot flat screen television on the wall so that you guys can play video games instead of just standing around. Also, we will get some DSL or WiFi so you can go online and stay updated with current events. And, for the ambitious cashier, there is always the opportunity to take online classes during downtimes."
One of the cashier dudes reminds you of Charlie Sheen, he'll furrow his brow and say something like: "Online classes? What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about you getting a bachelor's degree, dude, or maybe a master's or even a doctorate."
"Hmm, what kind of degree should I get?" Charlie Sheen-ish dude will ask.
"I don't know... uhhh hotel management, English, mathematics... or how about an acting degree. Yeah, California can always use another actor."
Ray Liota-ish dude will seem a little skeptical so you might have to loosen him up. Ask him stuff about the movie "Goodfellas" : "What was it like to be sent away to the big house?" and "What was it like to have all those helicopters following you around?"
They will doubt you - at first. Besides, they're all kind of apathetic, so, tomorrow you will have to start picketing Rainbow Bridge all by yourself. Make a sign before you go to bed. Set your alarm for 7. Go to sleep. Wake up. Then hop on your bike, motor down the hill and start your one man protest on behalf of your friends, the cashiers. Don't worry about the deli people, that's a whole different set of pajamas. Oh yeah, your sign will say something like: "Cashiers aint monkeys! let them play video games!"
posted by Dij at 10:34 PM
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