So, you want to be a method actor

So, You want to be a method actor. Congratulations, you've made the right decision. I've always been impressed by method actors, I mean damn, they are so intense and believable. In college, I studied a book called Acting is Believing. This book had a big impact on me as did the various courses in acting I took. In fact, my thespian studies taught me more about Psychology then all my classes in Psych combined. And, by the way, I graduated with a BS in Psychology. But enough about me, this post is about you and your goal of becoming a method actor. All you got to know to be an actor is believe what you're doing. Got it?

The first thing your going to do is walk around town in a very relaxed manner. You are going to secretly scan everyone you see until you find the right person. This person is going to be your audience so don't be nervous, take a couple deep breaths, that's it, relax. Now, your scanning for a certain type of spectator. First of all, you want them to be smaller than you. If things get out of control you don't want to get your ass kicked. OK, so you're scanning people who are fairly open and aware of their surroundings. Folks that seem to be capable of making eye contact and having the confidence to talk with a stranger and maybe put up with frighteningly bizzare behavior.

I can see that you are having a little bit of trouble with scanning. Might as well just forget that part. Just walk up to someone and have the intention of putting them at ease. Hey, you seem a little tense. Relax, damn it! Ask them what time it is. Tell them you don't want to be late for your appointment with your shrink. Good, you're doing alot better. Laugh heartily, tell them that the court ordered you to get counseling sessions.

"What for?" your unsuspenting interactive audience of one replies.

Now we're going to up the ante so to speak. Look from side to side quickly, change your breathing patter from matching theirs to speeding it up. Let out an audible sigh. Now, tell them in a hushed whisper that anyone within 20 m can hear: "I am a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic."

This will get their attention and they will begin to try to extricate themselves from you. Do not let them go. They're your audience. They're all you've got. Your eyes glisten with tears and they feel the tug of compassion. Explain how you were locked up because you do not recognize the natural boundaries that exist between you and those you meet on the street. Say: "We're all one aren't we?" Now it's time to beg: "Please be my friend, I am so lonely, all I need is a friend." I can see you are really getting in to it. Good job. The tears rolling down your cheek are a great touch. You are a believer.

They're pretty locked in. Lets throw in some word salad, say in an earnest and serious manner: "Bowling with coconuts, the fruitman yells: meatballs for monkeys!" Then with a Humphrey Bogart impersonation: "porkchops and apple sauce aint that schwell." Your on a roll, keep it up, time for some Led Zeppelin, now you're singing like Robert Plant: "Gonna give you my love dana na na da na na wanna whole lotta love aaaaaaaaahhh woman.... youuuu neeeeeeed daaaaaaa naaaaaaaa LOOOOOOOOOVVVe wanna whole lotta love wanna whole lotta love wanna whole lotta love..." Good work.

Your audience keeps looking at their watch. Time to cut them loose, close the curtains and call it a rap. Switch emotional directions. Full belly laugh. Give them a big smile. Say: "Good bye, have a wonderful life." Bow gracefully.Turn with dramatic flare. Start singing: "The hills are alive with the sound of music..."

Not bad, you started out of the gates a little nervous. Then you loosened up and it all started flowing. Your grade for today's assignment is a B.