Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The skeleton key

I am so glad that you are reading this so that I can warn you about something extraordinarily bizarre that is going to happen in the near future. Please try your best to remember this post. One day soon you will be walking down the street. People will be walking around in all directions. They will nicely represent the various walks of life that make up the growing lower class, the shrinking middle class and a token few of the upper class.

You have a good heart. Do you mind if I tell you that? Any way, I guess that is why you'll be so generous to the homeless guy who'll come up to you and ask for a dollar. For some reason, you will give him a twenty dollar bill. Maybe it will have something to do with a secret light in his eyes, like compressed rainbows in his pupils or something. Maybe it will be from his smile. So sincere. No pretense. He'll just be so damn present that you will forget to be lost flipping your focus from the past to the future to the past to the future. It will be like you just woke up into the moment I guess. You'll realize that there really is no past or future, just the eternal now. On some level you will feel Buddha's presence in this man. By the way, Buddha loves to appear in the form of homeless persons for those few humans who appear to be developing compassion. He's got crazy advanced spiritual surveilance technology and god gadgets so he can record his various encounters with the humans on the verge of spiritual emergences. So don't be paranoid or anything, OK? I mean it, Buddha is conspiring for your enlightenment. Him and God that is.

Yeah, rest assured, Buddha's various recording devices beam everything that you do to God. Lucky for us, these guys love to laugh. They have become quite used to how hardened and compassionless we are. They have watched for thousands of years as we perfect the means to destroy and kill. It has actually become funny. They really get a kick out of Bushy. So, when you hand this bum 20 bucks, it will give Buddha and God quite a shock. Congratulations, these dudes don't shock easy. So then, the smelly ragged old guy with the crazy glint in his eyes is going to give you a skeleton key. All he's gonna say is "Thanks for the generosity, here's a key to heaven." Your gonna smile in a goofy surprised kind of way because you won't expect anything back. It will be kind of a spur of the moment thing. You have never been so generous with a stranger before. All your various transgressions will be erased the moment the key touches your palm.

You'll put the key in your back pocket, thank the homeless dude and proceed on your way. You will now feel like you are on a roll. There will be a spring to your step. Your good deed for the night will be done so you'll slip comfortably back in to your grumpy misanthropic mode of being, like putting on an old smelly sock with holes. Folks will sense something different about you, (the remnants of your ecounter will not have completely worn off yet), and look into your face expectantly. This kind of stuff always annoys you and this night will not be the exception which proves the rule. You'll ignore most and to a few you'll say: "What are you looking at? Bozo!"

So this is the crux of it buddy: God and Buddha are watching you. Clean up your act. That skeleton key is a listening device. Buddha's recording everything you say. Wake up again. Don't forget to remember. If you play your cards right, one of these days, I'll tell you where to stick the key.