Sunday, November 13, 2005

Slow motion funeral

[Oahu, North Shore, September 2002]

Departure for the Big Island looms ahead as it is now set in my mind for Saturday. I still need to purchase a ticket and pack. I played tennis with brother Bri and his friend Matt. I had a great time. I ran around after anything close but was only able to hold my serve once or twice. Bri steamrolled, serve never broken. He had very few unforced errors and did a good job of controlling the point. Matt played pretty well. He's quite fit and young looking for being in his 50's.

Afterwards, I spoke with Bri about the reasons behind my departure to the Big Island. [My intention upon arriving on Oahu was to relocate to the North Shore; get a job; get my own place... but less than a month after arriving, I had no job and no where to live... except for my sister's]. He just listens as my list of reasons grow and mutate the longer I talk; various, seemingly unrelated bits of nonsense. I must really seem crazy to him. It may be wise to stop bouncing my ideas off him but I so need to talk it out. Part of me just desperate to be understood - acknowledged.

We drive over to Foodland for some snacks. There's a couple drunken voluntary hosts to greet Brian and I with offers of coupons for Beer. I put my hands together as if in prayer and say: "You have my condolences." Too forthright? Self righteous? Pretentious? Bri kind of shudders. He's more into the low key personna than I. Don't know, but I just saw them as this slow motion funeral for themselves. A funeral so surreal, taking place over several years and at different places where ever there's some cheap booze.

The subject of women comes up and I lament my inability to play the dating game. It's all Japaneese to this cowboy. Bri tells me that the guy to girl ratio favors the women - especially when the winter time of big swells arrive. Tetosterone rules, hard core surfers get the waves and the girls and the slim pickins only get slimmer. Yeah, nothing left for me except the bottom crawlers. I try to slip out of biology's lasso, focus on things like tai chi, yoga and the didj, escape the gravity of the situation, reprogramming other things to motivate me on the earth plane but it's sure nice to be appreciated by the other gender.

While in town, I strike up a conversation with a bamboo didj player. He's been on Oahu for a couple monts and is waiting of some work exchange for accomidation. Meanwhile, he camps out. He pointed out a couple spots for me but I did not pay much attention as I am leaving Saturday and all. It was nice to talk to a like-minded individual. He's from Long Beach, California. At one point, he lived in Colorado and told me about a crazy cool town in the desert that has a pop. of like 100 or so. Jacob climbs. I told him about the bouldering at Waiamea Bay.