Twisted, resurrected and grateful

We are in the midst of a yoga retreat as I diligently report my thoughts and experiences to you. Last night, Julie (yoga teacher and retreat organizer) utilized one of the kivas for a simple ceremony. I arrived first with some firewood. I placed it on top of the red ember remnants from a fire set by Skip several hours before and blew on it till the fire returned. Next to arrive was Billy, bringing more wood to burn. The rest of the group arrived and we all stood around the fire which had just been resurrected from the red coals. Julie asked a question about Skip's whereabouts. I did not know. And then, just on cue, Skip walks in and immediately takes the reigns of the conversation. [Now, it's important to recognize that Skip was acting of his own accord and had not been asked to to speak or even be present. In the past he has been invited to speak and entertain the guests. This story will illustrate why that does not happen anymore.] Skip's theme tonight was addiction. I could tell he was twisted when he walked in. There were about 12 of us in the kiva Billy, skip and I were the only males. Skip said f*ck at least 10 times thru out his spiel. Every time he said it I cringed and stared into the flames. Finally, after 10 minutes, I casually found an opportunity to move the focus to Julie. She had a quick meditation which involved writing down a block and throwing it into the fire. I did not have any paper so I just reflected on something I wanted to let go. Skip and I were the last to leave. I did not mention his inappriate use of expletives. As we said goodnight Skip said "Glad to be of service." Service to what I ask myself.

Today I awoke to a new day. Shut off a couple lights and managed to make it into Julies yoga flow class. It was pretty grueling but I managed to tough it out. I've been doing alot of yin yoga but now I realize that I have to mix it up. Eventually, the sense of well being I experince doing yoga began to wash over me and I remembered some things that help keep me happy. The thyroid gland stimulates the heart when we smile. When we frown, we block the flow of energy to the heart. The heart is a brain/organ/pump which regulates the cerebral cortex, lymbic system (emotions) and immune system. "So smile, lighten up" I tell myself. While in the final pose, corpse. Julie said something like: Our worst fear is that we are super powerful gorgeous beings. Do not shrink and dim your light because you are afraid that others will not like it. I left her class recharged. I thanked her for the wonderful class and Billy for providing awsome live music. Tonight, I will pedrform along side him with the didj. The key that I remember after all this is to remain grateful.