Fear and self loathing in Colorado

The hunter was always good at hunting others. In the end the Hunter became the prey. This prayer's for you: R.I.P. How do you catch a crow without it knowing? You become the sky. How does one stalk themselves and live to tell about it? Carlos Castenada delves into this realm extensively and was a powerful teacher for me. I read over 10 of his books. They provided an example of unflinching self reflection. Carlos classified people as: dreamers and stalkers. The stalker learns to stalk themselves with the goal of developing more self integrity and thus increasing personal power thru this cultivation of self knowledge. The dreamer uses their dreams to develop their astral body and collect personal power. Idealy, one would combine both techniques.

My distant impression of the recently deceased was that he was misanthropic and distrustful. He was always shooting his gun and it was generally rumorred that he liked to shoot tv's in his back yard. Before he offed himself, he'd been in some pain from breaking his leg and injuring his hip. I've noticed that when older folks injure themselves there's a major change in there outlook on life. It seems like the ability to find that motivation, that fire, that joy gets weaker when our mobility is compromised. My friend Skip's understanding increased when I relayed his leg and hip trouble but he still had this critique "Why'd he have to make such a gruesome mess for his family to clean up? He could have just gone out into the woods." I thought this sentiment had some weight.

DR. Cristopher Hyatt, a master in the art of introspection, had an interesting view on suicide. Paraphrased: When someone has fantasies about suicide they always picture the funeral with all the significant folks in their life racked with guilt and pain.

It seems to me that suicide is an attempt to punish others. I suspect that Hunter was trying to punish his family and the world. Who knows? I also suspect that Hunter had a back log of stuff that he never delt with. He hid from it thru booze. His distrust of others was mirrored within. I know there are exceptions but they prove the rule.