How to get a girlfriend
I've been giving alot of thought to your quandry. There seems to be no potential women for you in this country. You've given it your best shot but you say the cultural conditioning on what makes a male attractive - ($) - has spread all over the world. I am sure I could find examples which disprove your theory. You say the exceptions prove the rule. HMM. Maybe you're right. I think you can turn this to your advantage, though. Why don't you go to another country where you'd be perceived as wealthy? I bet you can find a nice girl in the third world who hasn't been totally spoiled like the ones here in the good ole U S of A.
Here's what you do. Tomorrow go on the internet and find a flight to India. Don't worry about bringing any clothes. You can just buy them when you arrive. Everything is cheap there. I'm serious, bring your pennies. Get ready for wall to wall people. Everywhere you go there will be people. At night they are sleeping everywhere on the street - watch where you step - in train stations, bus stations, everywhere. Head to the river Ganges. When you get to it keep your eye out for funeral pyres. You might have to wait a while for the right situation. At some point a young male will die. When his number's up then you're in business. You have to time this just right. They like to cremate their dead so get ready for some burning flesh. The tradition is for the wife to throw herself on the fire so she exits with her hubbie. This is your chance now, go on, you're a hero, mate... Good on ya! You just saved a beautiful Indian girl from self immolation.
The next step is to get her on a plane and take her back to California. Congratulations, you now have a beautiful Indian girlfriend who is not corrupted by the consumer culture. A couple things may go wrong though. You both might not hit it off. Don't be hard on your self. Maybe it would have been wise to get to know her first. There's also the possibility that she may become infected with the consumeritus virus. So, don't get your hopes up. And, if it does go all wonky, you can always go back to India and find another one. Yeah, there's a hundred million more where she came from.
Here's what you do. Tomorrow go on the internet and find a flight to India. Don't worry about bringing any clothes. You can just buy them when you arrive. Everything is cheap there. I'm serious, bring your pennies. Get ready for wall to wall people. Everywhere you go there will be people. At night they are sleeping everywhere on the street - watch where you step - in train stations, bus stations, everywhere. Head to the river Ganges. When you get to it keep your eye out for funeral pyres. You might have to wait a while for the right situation. At some point a young male will die. When his number's up then you're in business. You have to time this just right. They like to cremate their dead so get ready for some burning flesh. The tradition is for the wife to throw herself on the fire so she exits with her hubbie. This is your chance now, go on, you're a hero, mate... Good on ya! You just saved a beautiful Indian girl from self immolation.
The next step is to get her on a plane and take her back to California. Congratulations, you now have a beautiful Indian girlfriend who is not corrupted by the consumer culture. A couple things may go wrong though. You both might not hit it off. Don't be hard on your self. Maybe it would have been wise to get to know her first. There's also the possibility that she may become infected with the consumeritus virus. So, don't get your hopes up. And, if it does go all wonky, you can always go back to India and find another one. Yeah, there's a hundred million more where she came from.
posted by Dij at 11:39 AM
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