Yes, I am your liberator

While I was away up North, I seriously missed you, all of you. Even though it's almost like talking to the wall, I still missed you. Alas, I have accepted your muteness. Actually, I tried talking to the wall and it kind of talked back if you count banging and pounding. I guess 3 AM was a bad time to start relating my thoughts to the slender white hotel room wall. The people on the other side were quite selfish and only cared about their precious sleep. This experience inspired me, so now I know what your next mission is. I want you, all of you, to purchase a portable amplifier. I recommend the Amp Can by Fender. Then I want you to get a microphone. Now, make sure that amp is charged up. That sucker will go for hours, your voice will go hoarse long before the charge runs out. OK, load up your cool new toys into your car. Make sure its an old beater. Oh, by the way, did I tell you that you are a star? I mean it, your confidence has to be high to pull this off. Just to get used to it, begin by driving around your neighborhood. Position the amp so it is facing out an open window. OK, are you ready to let the fun begin? Good. It's good to do this around 4 AM. So turn the voume up to like 6 or 7 and start simply: test 1, test 2, test 3, testing 1,2,3 . John Smith this is your wake up. Time to get up! I said wake up! (gradually increase your voice level until you are screaming. Now, are lights starting to come on? Good. Get out of there, quick. If anyone sees your car, your busted. You idiot, I said move it.

How do you feel? Like you have busted out of a preordained life where nothing new or exciting can happen? Like a cow that has jumped over the moon instead being milked by some old crusty farmer and jacked up with antibiotics and hormones for the rest of your life? Or like a little yelping dog whose bladder feels like its gonna burst because he only gets walked once a day by some senile old lady who calls you snookums?

Your welcome. Yes, I am your liberator. Thank you. But, I have only just begun... Find a pretty big city on the map that isn't too far away. Drive there. Take your new toys with you. As you cruise around various random streets, talk into your microphone. Say things like: "Stay in your house, watch tv, eat fast food, use deoderant or else you won't have any friends." Your voice should be friendly. Have a smile on your face. Kind of like a game show announcer. Good, you see, if you're having fun, then so will your audience. Some other things you can say: "Lock your doors, the streets are not safe, stock up on TP, wash your hands after flushing the toilet, drink coffee, stay in school, support the military, save the flys."

Nice work. You're breaking out of your shell and your helping to make the world more interesting. Does it feel like a haze is fading away? A haze you did not even know was there? Well, now you do. If you don't want it to come back, you better keep tuning in here a couple times a day. I never know when I'll get a flash of insight to help liberate you and the sooner the better. Have a great day.