Sunday, March 18, 2012

Newlyweds Can't Read

Obviously, the newlyweds have not been reading Bardo Surfer. I just got off the phone with the landlord. "Uhh, I was wondering if you could write up a note that says your gonna move out."

I'm not in the mood for being 'pressured' (see: harassment) so I'm like, "I've changed my mind. I've thought about it and concluded that: if you want assurances, than you need to give us a 60 day quit notice. That's the law."

"Uhh, my relatives are really pressuring me to get something in writing." ('relatives' equates to: newlyweds)

"Listen ****** (landlord), I have decided I am not going give you anything in writing. It's your responsibility to give us a 60 day quit notice and that's all there is to it."

"Uhh, but you said you were going to write something up. My relatives keep pressuring me."

"I didn't rent the cottage from your 'relatives'. I rented it from you. You write something up, I don't care. We are men of our word. I told you we'd get this new place and we did. I've told you that we will be out by the end of April and we will. Our word has always been good between us. Step up and tell your 'relatives' to back off and relax."

"Uhh, but it would kind of help me out if you just wrote up a little note so they will stop hassling me."

That's all between you and them. I don't care. We are men of our words except of course when you had a homeless guy (see: Sling Blade) living in the driveway for 3 months. Even though we had an agreement when we moved in that there would be no homeless people living on the property."

"Uhh, I was just trying to help. He almost died 5 times this year. I was just trying to help."

"Right, you'd leave for a month at a time while he was living in the driveway, smoking cigarettes and pot. Every time we'd leave our house we'd have to walk past his van - the sliding door was always open - trying not to breathe in the smell of stale smoke and urine."

"Uhh, I've got to go... some one is here -"

"Ok, goodbye." I hang up

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